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Overheard at the Free Clinic...
  These are actual statements made to the doctor by patients at a Free Health Clinic for STDs

I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks.     My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch.    I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt.

 

  I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a 'chlamydiahoris.'

 

Customers see me itching down there and they don't ask me for lap dances

 
My last period looked like meat.     My balls feel soft and mushy.     My pee smells like ham. 
   I have food chunks in my urine.

   Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then douched with Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there.

 
 I have open scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind.    I'm releasing semen when I take a crap.    I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old homosexual man.
 

 I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice.

 

I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and my other new baby's momma has disease.

 
 Can't you put the swab in further and wiggle it around?    Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of Wheat before it's cooked.    My cervix hurts when I jiggle.
 

The seam in my circumcision split open.
 

 

 My whole body smells like a menstruating skunk, especially my armpits. 

 
I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust either of them.    From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the adrenaline out of me.    I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me.

 I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't tell you they got something unless they mad at you.

How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish? 

 I got the dripper.

 

 

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