Rants
Please report dead links to Uncle Url

Includes loonies, oddballs, nutcases and all manner of misguidedness.

RIGHT or LEFT at the URINAL,
it's a choice that we make every day.

FLEA CIRCUS performs at YOUR COMMAND!
Choose from 75 tricks (top right corner) and
the fleas will perform to the roar of the crowd

GI-NORMOUS CHART of the HUGE US GOV'T BUDGET.
And every figure is expressed in "Billions".
(click to enlarge)

OH, WE MISSED SO MUCH!
Every cover of TV Guide magazine ever published.
http://www.coverbrowser.com/covers/tv-guide/42

YOU MAY TWEET or NOT TWEET,
but with millions of people doing it,
searching Twitter gives instant
human consciousness feedback.

DRAMA CATS
(warning: loud! and Dramatic!)

Do you LOVE YOUR KIDS,
but HATE the EXPENSE of FEEDING THEM?

Then the KidsEatFree Restaurant Guide
is a winner all around.

REMEMBER HOW THE GLOBAL ECONOMY
"formerly" worked?

THEY'VE GOT a NAME FOR this PHOTO TRICK NOW...

THE VEGETARIAN SOCIETY is trying to
turn us on to fruits and veggies.
Did it work?

NOW OVER ONE MILLION HOAXED

NASA has the VERY BEST UFO FOOTAGE
Clipped back-to-back boom boom boom
they get curiouser and curiouser.
I like the black dot moving over
the moon that meanders course while sightseeing.

LISTEN TO YOUTUBE on your iPOD --
Paste in a Youtube URL, and it downloads an
MP3 audio file directly to iTunes. Great for
brainiacs who like to listen to speeches,
lectures, etc.

PUMPKIN ART PUSHING the ENVELOPE
for 3 days until it rots.

He's KING OF THE WORLD!

YOUR SONG REQUEST on the RADIO
instantly.

THERE's ALWAYS A CHEAP SOLUTION
especially in home decor.

HAVE YOU SEEN MY SPORES?
They're very small, and look creepy
when observed through a 10,000 power
microscope with good lighting.

THE CHINESE are INNOVATIVE
sleepers.

DRAMATIC CATS
(warning: loud!)

THIS ISN'T MISSION DIFFICULT, it's MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
"Difficult" should be a walk in the park.

WHY DOTH the BIKINI'd GIRL FALL?

ONLINE TIC-TAC-TOE
It must be special to
be in this spot, right?

FOREIGNERS THINK this is FUNNY

You Know All Those Chubby White Women In
Old-Timey Renaissance Art Paintings?
THEY'RE ALL THE SAME CHICK.

VERY LITTLE KIDS DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A CAMERA IS
yet they are the best hams.

COLORFUL SPILLS

HOW'd THEY DO THIS?

BECAUSE CHESS IS WAR
even when it's Claymation.

NOT "FUN" SCARY, like Halloween.
"Reality" scary, as in hell on earth.
Warning: you can't un-see these things.

DIRECT LINKS to FULL TV EPISODES
And it's perfectly legal, they
want you to watch.

HEY, HE TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE A
FAKE PSYCHIATRIST!

HAND PUPPET MASTERY
must be shown off.

THERE's SMARTY PANTS in EVERY STATE
and they've been immortalized.
(warning: sound, some language)

THE HUMAN BODY is even art
when they're stacked up.

Time traveller from 900 B.C.
arrives today, looks around, says:
"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY ALPHABET?"

IT AIN'T REALLY THERE.
It's a drawing.

LIGHTNING is COOL,
but it moves too fast.
(Not this time...)

DOES GOD EXIST?
Let's take a vote of every human
on earth, and settle this once
and for all. Majority rules!

IF YOU'RE SO WORLDLY,
how come you can't guess
these accents?

WHAT'S REAL and UN-REAL about THE REAL THING?
Some rumors about Coca-Cola
turn out to be true!

HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT
as a Coke Machine

WHY DOES DIET COKE FLOAT,
but Classic Coke won't?

NOAH'S ARK FRANCHISE
We could build these all over the
world and make a fortune off
the tourists!

THE COLA WARS go ALL OUT
They are really forcing us
to choose.

ANIMALS IN MOTION
Pretty slick

SURE, FAITH HILL IS PRETTY.
Just not THAT pretty.

FREE AUDIOBOOK: "THE WORLD IS FLAT"
What used to be a national bestseller,
is now a digital giveaway to promote
Thomas Friedman's next book.
Nice marketing gimmick!

STAR TREK MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS
Kirk, Spock and the whole gang
impart words of wisdom to live by.

THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS
to tie your shoes.
Mr. Fieggen illustrates them all.

DRAMATIC CATS
(warning: loud!)

DID YOU FORGET HOW SMART YOU WERE?

SEE IF YOU CAN recognize FAMOUS PHOTOS
recreated with Legos.

MORE PROOF the Japanese are
sociopathically insane.

ROSS PEROT KNOWS CHARTS
here he shows how the USA is broke.

GOOGLE, the PEDOMETER
Same map, designed for you to figure
out how far you walked.

YES, THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE.
However, can you name them all?

MORE FUN FOR YOUR STAYCATION
Check out funny names in the
Phone book! Dixon Cox, Anita Hoare,
Ben Dover, Harden Long, they're all
here, and 100s more.

BILL GATES RETIRED RECENTLY
So what did they find when they
cleaned out his desk?

OKAY, THINK of any STAR TREK
The 20Q computer will interrogate
you, then guess it! ... and, the new
STAR TREK Exhibition rocks!

HERE'S WHY BIRDS DON'T MIND
being birds, and nothing else.

GREATEST TV NEWSCASTER MESS-UPS
are funnier because they were
committed on TV.

GREATEST MOVIE POSTERS

BEFORE YOU GO ANYWHERE,
check the stone.

STEVE JOBS' RECENT KEYNOTE in 60 seconds.
Just the "boom" parts.

WiKiPEDIA AIN'T SO STUFFY
It has a humorous side.

FIND ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE a creep you know.
And punch 'em.

ADORABLE STUFFED MICROBES
I still need Chlamydia to round
out my Venereal Disease collection.

SECRET CHRISTIAN CODE SIGNALS
So they'll know you know.

NOT MUCH TO SEE
until you shine the spotlight
juuuuussstttt right.

WHAT WILL RELEASE the demon in your cellphone?
The microwave, of course.

The only thing that comes to mind...
POP MY BUBBLES ONE MORE TIME

PLEASE RUBBERSTAMP MESSAGES ON MONEY
Because everybody loves to hear
about your pet peeve/cause/rant!

SOMETIMES the only way TO BE HAPPY
is to annoy other people.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ARTIST
if you do art all the time, everywhere.

When you start accessing random pictures,
YOU'RE REALLY TAKING A LEAP OF FAITH
(click on it to launch your journey)
(some may be "R"-ish)

LITTLE TOY FIREMEN unpack a new iPhone.
Really.

STAR TREK INTERIORS
A great idea for that spare
bedroom.

BE ALL YOU CAN BE,
or at least look at other
people being all THEY can be.

YES, IT'S A QUIZ
testing your imagination.

ORIFICALLY EXPELLED GAS
is as a symphony in it's diversity,
such a flower in it's aroma,
with inspiriation it makes the soul soar.

DO SPIRALS GIVE YOU VERTIGO?

"50 GREATEST SKETCH COMEDY ROUTINES"
of all time, and every one of them
is available here, probably in a gross
violation of copyright laws.

BAREFOOTING as a lifestyle.
Makes me think.

IT's SPRINGTIME,
and the Photoshoppists are
weighing in...

HIGHLY INNAPPROPRIATE LOGOs
Or, it's a test of naivete.

PIZZA DELIVERY GUYS
are livin' the life.

WE LIKE PERIODIC TABLES.
This one is naughty. (PG-13 language)

DUDE IS TRAPPED in an ELEVATOR 41 HOURS
Let's watch!

MOM MUST HAVE BEEN SO PROUD
the day Mouthface was born.

MAN DEMONSTRATES EMOTICONS
This is so 1997 I can't believe it.

REPURPOSING the AMERICAN DOLLAR
into art. Sort of.

NEW YORK TRASH TALES
Garbage men keep a blog with
pix and stories about what they
find in the heap.

COMPARE a CASSETTE TAPE to an iPOD
Upon what criteria would an insane person
judge that?

THE LAST SUPPER inspires many many more.

EXTREME PIZZA CUTTERS (click to enlarge)

ASK JESUS to PIMP YOUR PRODUCTS
The Lord would be a spectacular
product spokesman. (PS: I think they're serious)

VERY CANDID STICK FIGUREs

IF THIS IS HOW YOU ROLL,
you should have a sleepover.
ADD A COOL CHAIR (one is naughty)

STEVE JOBS, he's always thinking
about the next cool Apple product.

LOSE at CHESS faster THAN EVER!

FEAR THE FUTURE
Cryptic and vague Bible passages
are nonetheless laser-focused on
today's headlines.

BECAUSE WE ALWAYS KNEW BLT SANDWICHES
don't really need bread.

PUNCH THIS UP on your iPHONE at a party
and Let The Games Begin!

The WHISTLEBLOWER WEB SITE still exists.
They said it was taken down, but we can
still sneak in through the back door...

"SO TRUE!" laughs Mac user who switched.
(How come they don't make HIlarious
videos like this about Apple?)

"SO TRUE!" laughs bankrupt homeowners.
(How come the subprime crisis wasn't
HIlarious until it was dramatized
by stick people?)
warning: some bad language, understandably

BELLY BUTTON WHISTLER
A happy tune from a happy face. Loudly.

THE FART F.A.Q.
64 fascinating facts about what other
people vent from their lower bowels.

STEPPING ON the KORAN Bad! Bad!
but WALKING ON THE GOSPEL Good! Good!

AGAIN WE BRING FOR LOOKING.
Words be smart not after
talking of a funny man.
(choose an Engrish category and next it)

KIDS WON'T LEARN REALITY IN SCHOOL
So let's give it to them good.

TOM CRUISE is MANKIND's SAVIOUR?
According to him he is. Secretly leaked
indoctrination video of Tom Cruise
explaining to new Scientology suckers
how he/they will rule the world.

UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR FUN
Enter your favorite catchphrase
see the HIlarious results
after 5 language translations.

LOOKIN GOOD SWEETHEART

THIS GUY SINGS BACKASSWARD
And he's really really good at it.

TAKE THE SCIFI SOUND QUIZ
I got a 78, and I love scifi.

HOW MANY 5 YR. OLDS could you take in a fight?
Not so fast...

GOOGLE.COM, circa 1960

PHOTOSHOP EXPERT
has an issue with heads.

NOT FOUND (404)
by a smartass.

MOTHER GOOSE RHYME SECRETS... EXPOSED!
The bough will break? The cradle
will fall? ... baby and all?
That's awful!

OKAY YOU GET THREE GUESSES,
and the first two don't count...
"Who Does This Remind You Of????"

A MESSAGE in YELLOW SNOW
tells everyone "I CARE"

TRY TO BUY THE BLUE CUP
then back away from your computer quick!

IF TREKKIES REALLY RULED
We'd most definitely elect
Captain Picard as president.

I SEE IT, I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IT
Follow the directions to behold
the colorless become colorfull.

GOD TUBE
Every time heathens get a good idea,
the Godly jump in with a religious
knockoff of it.

SHE's a "LORI", I'M SURE OF IT!
Here's a chance to judge people
solely on their appearance.
What name do they look like?

DANG, IT STINKS IN HERE!

GAMING to MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE
For every question you answer
correctly, a starving Ethiopian child
receives a biteful of rice.

HOLLYWOOD CAN COUNT BACKWARDS from 100.

STOP SYLVIA BROWN
She's a truth whore, a dangerous fraud, and
her scam artistry is now branching into
overpriced "spiritfilled jewelry".
She must be stopped to protect the naive.

IT'S CATS, facing their fear of water.
Gotta hand it to them for trying.

'WHAT WERE THEY THINKING' DOMAIN NAMES
Could they have been that naive?

SOME PEOPLE ARE TOUCHY

THE PHOTOSHOP MADNESS CONTINUES
with the chocolate Christina Aguilera
(scroll down)

And then the scaryish

PERFECTING ANN COULTER
Ann Coulter is that blond Republican
annoyance who said Christianity "perfects"
Jews. Here, she gets some suggestions...

MOVIE BRAIN FARTS
#12 OMG, LOL!

(I check this one every single day.)
IS IT CHRISTMAS?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMAIN AN ADULT
if you don't want to. Just follow these simple credos.

THE ETYMOLOGY OF "CHINA" is "CHINSEY"
1) Cheap, lacking. 2) rickety, unsure, to be cheaply made

WE KNOW CHINA MAKES ALL OUR STUFF
Let's watch them do that:

MOOD MUSIC EXTREME
Just grab that black dot with the
undulating rings and move it a
bit and watch what happens.

YOUR COLOR PREFERENCE REVEALS ALL?
Yes, the results sounded spoton to me,
but I'm just a fictive character on
some web site.

"ROCK UP"
as in "She said we could rock up at her place".
It's a cheat sheet for something
interesting to say.
(scattered language and "R" themes)

THOU SHALT KNOW YOUR BIBLE, a quiz.
50 questions, I got 77%.
Beat that, or you're a heathen.

REPORT YOUR NEIGHBOR
Don't suffer in silence.

I DON'T BLAME THEM,
sausage was on sale.

WHY NOT PAINT THE GUTTER?

THE EARTH'S AXIS is TILTING
and they're not telling us!

EVE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN INSTINCTUALLY
not to eat that apple.

SELL YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER for cash,
utilizing the unique method of
"marrying her off".

NEW WAYS TO WEAR CONDOMS
Leave it to the Chinese...
(just don't wear Chinese condoms
because they cause rashes.)

WHAT THE WORLD THINKS AMERICANS THINK

DO NOT SIT on the INFRASTRUCTURE!

CHRISTIANS FIGHT BACK with XTREME TSHIRTS
"Get stoned like Paul"

YOU FLATTER YOURSELF

AIRTOONS, BACK FOR ANOTHER SEASON
with fantastic new Airplane Emergency
Information Card hijinx!

WOULD YOU RATHER
Be Eaten Alive? or Buried Alive?
And many other horrible imponderables.

100 REASONS it's GREAT to be a MAN
#85 If you don't call your buddy when
you say you will, he won't tell
your friends you've changed.

"THE BIBLE EXPERIENCE" is Rockin' the Faithful.
Fill up your iPod with fully dramatized
Bible scenes acted out, with special
effects and everything!

PRES. BUSH SELLS HIS LIKENESS for ADVERTISING
He must be, his mug is on billboards
all over the place!

SEND EMAIL TO GOD@HEAVEN.COM

WHERE ARE ALL THE "PEOPLE OF FAITH"?
i.e. There's a strong concentration in Utah,
but precious few believers in Oregon.

PRESIDENT BUSH HAS BEEN ON A SPENDING BINGE
In 2003 he spent "only" $221 million on
his Oval Office expense report.
But in 2004 he spent $3.3 billion.
And in 2005 he spent $7.6 billion.
And in 2006 he spent $5.3 billion.
That's a lot of Gameboys.

DEDICATED TO ERADICATING CHRISTIANITY
And they're happy to take your
donations for their godless cause.

DRAMA CATS
(warning: loud!)

We had people who painted their cats,
now there's...
PEOPLE PAINTED as CATS (Rish a little)

MY EYES ADORE YOU

VIRTUAL AUTOPSY
We're all very familiar with the OUTSIDE of
human beings. Ever wonder what's inside them?

STAR TREK PHRASES FOR ANY OCCASION
You might want to memorize a few of
these to whip out in a meeting sometime
when you don't have anything else to say.

Bible Action Figures:
FUN to PLAY WITH, FUN to PRAY WITH!
Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is older he'll buy dolls.

CAN'T GET ENOUGH of RAPTURE TALK?
How about 666? One World Government?
Does the AntiChrist frighten the beJesus
out of you? Wallow in it all here...

RANTS FOR YOUR iPOD
If you like Dennis Miller (and we do)
his 90 min. daily radio show is terrific.
And his mp3 archive is highly organized.

GEORGE CARLIN ALREADY *KNOWS* HE's GOING TO HELL
Because of crazy statements like these.
(warning: Carlinesque language)

JERRY FALWELL was SO SURE he'd go to HEAVEN
Maybe he didn't. And if he DID go to hell, here's why...

RANDOMIZED FUNK
Do not operate heavy equipment
within 30 minutes of dosing yourself
on Larry Carlson's madness.

THERE'S ONLY ONE MODEL OF CAR
that people have NO problem
remodeling. To the extreme.

THIS TIME, "WILL IT FLUSH?"

YOU ALWAYS WANTED A CLEAR, CLOSEUP UFO PHOTO
So here's one, with great detail and only
a dozen feet away. With story. Such perfect
evidence, yet still, collectively, we do not believe.

SOME WORDLUSIONS

PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THEIR PETS
Aren't these people/pets from 1995?

'THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES' in Ebonics.

WHAT THE PEOPLE PICTURED IN ADVERTISING
teach us. (warning: frank language)

FUN WITH FAKE PEOPLE
Cleverly placed phoney bodies can turn
heads on busy streets. I'd look.

LADY SOLDIER RIPS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE a NEW ONE
33 Dead At Virginia Tech
3323 Dead American Soldiers In Iraq
The troups noticed the difference in nat'l grieving.
(contains very strong, profane angry indignation)

WILL FERRELL, EVEN FUNNY ON THE INTERNET
Exactly WHY he made this homemade
movie is up in question. That it is
funny, is not.

WHAT IF HOMER SIMPSON WAS A REAL HUMAN GUY?
I think it might go a little something
like this.

Damn THEE and THINE, just for fun.

I COULD MAKE A JOKE ABOUT PYRAMID SCHEMES
and the collapsing U.S. fiat currency system, but only
Mr. Ponzi would get it.

OUR FAVE EASTER BUNNY GAG!

EXCELLENT RELIGIONPICKIN' TOOL
Enter your beliefs, the robot will
tell you which religion you should join.

JESUS HAS GRANTED AN INTERVIEW
Now available on VHS, DVD, BluRay
and online viewing for free.

CELEBRITIES and their MINIMEs

CELL PHONES, GPS and GOOGLE MAPS
Track down and get a physical location
of any cell phone using it's GPS system.
Free demo. Accurate to within 9 square feet.

And I heard my neighbor screaming:
"HAROLD, IF YOU PLAY WITH YOUR TRAINS
ONE MORE MINUTE I WILL DIVORCE YOU"

PUNCTUATE THIS
Don't mix your dashes with your colon.

COOL PIX of that GRAND CANYON BRIDGE THING

FRENCH FRIES, KETCHUP and an artist

LEAVE IT TO BRITNEY, to start a hot new trend:

MAKE IT STOP!
You know those eyecrossing stereograms
that reveal hidden images this one moves!

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING TOTALLY POINTLESS

AND SURPRISINGLY OBVIOUS

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED

AS INK TATTOOs BECOME MAINSTREAM,
burning the tattoo into the skin
becomes way cooler.

SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE there's SIGNS
And some (like these) are substantially more
humorous than others (some Rish)

HEY, LOOK WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE!

TAN WHILE YOU TYPE.

WANNA SEE HOW DAVID COPPERFIELD FLIES?
and all those other tricks that confound
the mind and dazzle the eye?

75 of the WORLD's GREATEST QUOTES from ATHEISTS
Without God, life is everything
If God doesn't like the way I live, let Him tell me, not you.
Faith does'nt give you answers, it just stops you from asking the questions
If God doesn't believe in other gods, then why should i?

THE COOLEST SHORT VIDEOS
Culled from the coolest video sources

NEXT TIME YOU'RE on an AIRPLANE,
wait until just after takeoff,
fire up your laptop and run this link:

F.A.Q. on GOD
The most common questions/answers about
the Almighty, usually asked by young people.

JESUS' CALLING CIRCLE
If you're like me, you'd like to see Jesus'
friends and family illustrated visually.

YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE's NAME is BOB
To follow up on StopSylviaBrown.com,
we're happy to report that the outing of
famous psychics is finally catching on...

STOP SYLVIA BROWN BEFORE SHE LIES AGAIN
She gets $700 per 20 minutes inventing spirit
guide names and glibly manufacturing fake
messages from dead relatives. This doesn't
help people, it hurts them.

I COULD SAY "FUNDERWEAR", but that'd be too easy.
I'm better than that. How about Pantaloonies?
UnderGaffes? Cool Crotch Cozies? Junk Gear?

100s OF CONSCIOUSNESSENHANCING INFOTAINERS
This is a bit obscure, but some guy has
indexed all the Googlevideo and Youtube
videos of mindexpanding topics.

IT WOULD BE SLANDER if it weren't PARODY
The popular sport of "Mocking Ads" is at an
all time high right now, so pop open an icy
cold Fish flavored Ice Tea and review the
latest offerings...

LOOK AT YOU, DOG, ALL DRESSED UP!

WHAT WOULD JESUS CLICK?
This is evil, wicked, mean and nasty
and the authors will be tortured in
Hell for this forever and ever and ever.
But sometimes a good joke is worth it.
(there's 21 pages of these!)

TALKING ABOUT THE SHRINKING DOLLAR!...

YOU KNOW HOW AMAZON.COM SHOWS PUBLIC REVIEWS?
Over 800 people reviewed a gallon of milk.
Hilariously.

ERIC IS STILL AN EMOTIONAL GUY
This was just a teeny tiny web gag
8 years ago, but Eric has expanded
his displays of emotion into a full
scale internet powerhouse dedicated
to the expression of feelings!

SHOCKING TRUTH OF BILL CLINTON'S
EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

Let's see, he was most active in his last
term as President, which was about 8 years ago...

DID YOU EVER HAVE A KOOKY IDEA
that you thought would be terrific to
put on the internet to make money?

SECRETS KEEP US SICK
Catholics have known this for centuries,
the trick is avoiding the blackmailers. More here

NOSTRIL MAINTENANCE, a survey.
What percentage of people keep a
clean nose? What percent don't?

IMAGE OF JESUS APPEARS ON DOG'S BODY
I've heard that people can find Jesus at the
bottom of a bottle, but this is something else
entirely.

THE ART and GRANDEUR of PAPER CLIPS
If you put a million people into a million
cubicles for a million hours with a million
paperclips, can beauty happen?

HOW CAN WE AVOID RACIAL SLURS,
unless we know what they all are?

SURE, IT'S A STATEMENT
It's also an attitude, and it tells people
a little something about yourself. Or not.

FINALLY, A CHRISTIAN LEGITIMATE OFFER
They'll ask you a question about each of
the Ten Commandments, if you haven't
broken any commandment, YOU RECEIVE
TEN THOUSAND UNITS OF FILTHY LUCRE!

THIS IS AN AWESOME POSTER OF ALL THE
"CHANGES" PRESIDENT BUSH HAS MADE SO FAR.

It's astonishing to see them all in one place.
Print this .pdf file, or "Save As"
to your hard drive so you can double
click it to open in your .pdf viewer
to read it in a larger size on the screen.

WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME A STORY in MP3?
Mom and dad can't read so good outloud
as these professional actors. Something
for your iPod instead of KFed tracks.

PUMPKINS AS GHOULISH ART

PUMPKINS GOT NOTHING OVER WATERMELONS

I WILL ONLY LEAK IF IT'S BEAUTIFUL
Swoon at the form and function
of artsy pee pots.

NOW 20% SOFTER 2PLY WEDDING DRESSES

WHEN YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH IT HURTS
Now your fave musician can be even closer
to you! Purchase a vial of his fecal matter,
skin, bacteria, urine, spit, skin cells
so you can be with them always.

THE VIRGIN MARY is on a CRYING JAG
All over the world, she weeps about
something. What's the matter, Mary?

PRINT OUT THE "EXECUTIVE COLORING BOOK"
So he/she can't ever say you don't make
fun of him/her.

TO ALL OUR FANS, we never say it enough. Thank you!

I BELIEVE I CAN FLY
I believe I can touch the sky.
I think about it every night and day,
Spread my wings and fly away.

(use "next" arrow, bottom right)

TEENY TINY ART now TEENIER THAN EVER

GOD'S WRATH AGAINST CARNIVALS

INFANT PATTERN BALDNESS
It need *not* be a lifelong embarrassment.

SPAIN BANNED SKINNY MODELS FROM CATWALKS
They didn't realize how many hardworking
anorexics they put out of work.

HANG ON A MINUTE, I'm playing Hangman

YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN a TEEN IN THE 60's
If I had been alive back then, I'd be an
old fart now.

NOBODY CAN SAY IT THE WAY
SAMUEL L. JACKSON CAN SAY IT.

Say what? No! Don't say What again!

GUESS THE DUDE'S NAME
Here's a chance to judge people
based solely on their appearance.
What name do they look like?

IF YOU HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTION...
I'm not going to belittle people who
are honestly struggling with whether
or not they are gay. This very simple
quiz will set the matter "straight".
(warning: the choir is loud)

STAR TREK MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS
Kirk, Spock and the whole gang
impart words of wisdom to live by.

CHILDREN WRITE TO GOD, Hilarity ensues
"Thank you for the little brother, but
I asked for a puppy."

FOURTH GRADERS! AN UNBREAKABLE CODE!
When you write Timmy an important secret
message, use Thunk.com to encode and
decode it using a letter substitution
method No teacher can read it!

UFOs graduate into 3D CROP CIRCLE ART.
Funny how it took them so long.

MAY WE SEE INSIDE YOUR FRIDGE?

PHOTO SATIRE FROM PEOPLE NOT AMERICAN
Not American, because I didn't understand
many of these. Perhaps these jokes mean
something amusing in European talk.
(a long, puzzling P13 scrolling journey)

AFTER THE RAPTURE, life goes on
Advise your leftbehind friends and
family with an automatic email to be
sent only after you've been taken to
live with the Lord forever and ever.
Please try not to rub it in too much,
they'll feel bad enough already.
The Rapture is in the Bible, right?
Pray for the Rapture to be true
with a Turbo Prayer Helmet?

SKULK AROUND YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD as a Ninja.

It's easy if you try. No way will you
be confused for a Jihadist and get shot dead.

WASHINGTON D.C.'s BELTWAY BEAUTIES!
A Congressional Web Site reveals the top
50 most delicious government Aides,
Assistants, Secretarys, Staffers and a
few elected fancy asses. People on this
list have very important jobs in highly
placed gov't positions, are single, and are
looking for sex in our nation's Capitol.

SOMETIMES THE CHEAT IS THE REWARD

WHAT LIES BETWEEN HEAVEN and HELL?

Let's start in Heaven, and scroll down to see.

ANOTHER JOINT JAGOPH DRAWING SESSION

LET'S REVIEW THE DANGER OF BEER GOGGLES

IF THE ADAM'S FAMILY KNITTED
Just when you thought you had seen
it all!!! I bet your grandmother
never knitted like this.

"I'VE GOT THE WORLD'S LONGEST TONGUE"
12 year old German schoolgirl has licked her
way into the Guinness Book of Records with
her whopping seven centimetre tongue.

WHERE THERE's SMOKE, THERE's FIRE
It's not the crime, it's the coverup
that gets them every single time.

HOW COOL IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER?

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD, AS WE KNOW IT
(or, "When the Gobal Currency is Toilet Paper")
Everybody knows a gloom and doomer like this,
who's stocked up, ready for the end of the
world. Peak Oil is the next EOTWAWKI on the
horizon, and this guy is fully prepped!

THERE'S NO POINT TINKERING IN PHOTOSHOP
if nobody ever sees your work.
So, let's take a look... "Hey, great job!"

WE'RE #1 if we SAY we're #1, GET IT?
HOORAY for the USA! er, most of it.
Scroll down for a saddening statistical
view of how today's America compares
to the other lawabiding democratic
freepress sovereign nations with
laughably smaller military forces.

PENTAGON 911 VIDEO AS IT SHOULD LOOK
The authentic released video STANK!
HERE's what the video would look
like if a plane actually hit the Pentagon
(Here's the useless official video)

IF YOU THINK THIS WHOLE F'ing PLANET IS
TURNING INTO SH*T
, rense.com agrees with you.
Scroll down for only the worst news, most
frightening apocalyptic articles of horrors
happening among us, and choking feartales of
what's soon to come. Pull the trigger
already, it's over.

ZONE OUT with THE KALEIDOSCOPE PAINTER
I move around the mouse and watch the pretty
colors and soon I forget all about my hemorrhoids.

FINGER FOLKS!

MEMENTOS IN PEPSI/COKE = GUSHER
MEMENTOS IN BELLY WITH PEPSI/COKE = BOMB

IT HAS TO BE TRUE if you read it in the newspaper... SEE?

I'LL BET THEY DON'T LAST SIX WEEKS
Put your wager dollar where your gossip mouth is

HAVE 50,000 PEOPLE SHOW YOUR FACE
Program converts .jps into those color
cards that say GO MUSTANGS at school games.

BUILDINGS GO BOOM!
Great interface to feed our hunger.
Click on a building, watch it EXPLODE!

COLBERT ROASTS (no, broils) PRES. BUSH up the SASS
(sorry, the Bush Admin has these removed because
it embarrassed them and spoke the truth. Just thought
you'd like to know. )
If you missed this CSPAN live event, see now
Stephen Colbert broil the VIP audience alive
at the 2006 White House Correspondents dinner.
Next year: Linky & Dinky to host!

MAN MOCKS AIRLINE SAFETY
But guess who this is... Chris Pirillo,
the Lockergnome.com guy! (Just goes to
show you, anybody can get drunk.)

"A" AIN'T FOR APPLES, "J" AIN'T FOR JACKS
The Politically Incorrect Alphabet.

TATS THAT CAN ONLY BE SEEN AT THE CLUB

"HA HA HA AMERICA"
A Taunting Chinese Rant Against America...

Uncle Url told me he watched this whole 15
minute video and was shocked, educated, and
frightened by China's slow encroachment to
overtake the USA as the world's only superpower.
I just thought the accents were funny.
(It won the Sundance Film Festival)

#3, #4 and #5 are PRETTY GOOD
and the Archives have a bunch of others.
Just don't ask me what they are supposed
to be about, because I don't get it.
However, we support the arts, so here you go.

YO MAMA'S SO FAT, she uses diet soap.
YO MAMA'S SO BIG, when she stands up the sun goes out
YO MAMA'S SO STUPID, she sold the car for gas money
YO MAMA'S SO UGLY, roaches go "Hi mom!"
YO MAMA'S SO OLD, her social security number is 1

NUKE ATTACK ON USA a SURE THING (Texas this time)
Listen to this audio "evidence" (scroll
down), and then wonder to yourself whether or
not the lyrics to any Johnny Cash song could
be found, if that's what they were looking for,
instead of terrorist talk.

ETCHASKETCH IMPOSSIBILITIES
I can't believe it. Maybe this is a hoax?
The EtchASketch Hall of Fame.

I CAN'T READO THE WORDSO
but I can tell when makeup magic has
turned an uglyduckling into a hottie.
(scroll down)

TELL SOMEONE YOU LIKE THEM

MUSLIM RAVE PARTY (Or, cleric has ants in his hair)
I like the guy in front with his arms out
providing impromptu security, because it
would be bad if EVERYbody came up and slapped
the cleric's head.

PALM READING PRIMER
You can use these explanations for
the lines in the hand, or make up
your own. Whatever gets you paid
for doing it.

APRIL SHOURS, BARBIE DAHL,
Denton Fender, Ben Dover,
Harry Pitts, Pearl E. Whites, they're all here.

PLAY B*LLSH*T BINGO at the Executive Conference Table
Pass these cards out among coworkers during your
next meeting with management and see who screams
"B*LLSH*T" first.
As soon as he says "Mission Critical" I WIN!

BARCODES HAVE ALL THE FUN

This artist specializes in portraitures,
his medium is the barcode. Then it gets
weird.

IS THAT OSAMA?

IN ANY EVENT, OSAMA is ANAL SODA

IT'S a TOUCHYFEELY INTERNET
Dominique is sensitive, be gentle.

T H E  S E C R E T   O F  M A G I C S H E L F !!
We seriously argued about auctioning off the
scientific secret to MagicShelf. But
in the end, we decided to simply
donate it to humanity for all time.
Now it belongs to the ages

OUR COMMENT on the MOHAMMED CARTOONS...
What the hell, here they are.

BUSH BASH SHOT DOWN

EXXON MOBIL SHOT DOWN

SUPERBOWL COMMERCIAL SHOT DOWN

IT'S NO SECRET *WHY* WE haven't CAPTURED OSAMA YET
He's disguised so no one will go near him.

LARVAE CANDY looks yummy!

CRAZY MUSICAL
There's a troupe that makes music by banging
on garbage cans and wood sticks and stuff
like that this isn't that.

I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THIS IS ABOUT...
BUT I THINK the apparent contradiction between
individuality and uniformity is, however, taken to
such extremes in their arresting objectivelooking
photographic viewpoint and stylistic analysis that
the artistic aspect clearly dominates the purely documentary element.

ATHEISTS have TEN COMMANDMENTS, TOO
This reads more like a marketing tool,
trying to evangelize people into the
Athiestic nonfaith.

POLITICAL CARTOONISTs SKEWER PRECONCEPTIONS
These famous artist/comedians prove the old axiom
I just made up right this second: "You can say
anything as long as you smother it in comedy."

DON'T GO TO HELL like this poor soul did.
My God, it's awful. Just awful. Horrible.

PROVE TO THOSE BASTARDS that YOU'RE SPECIAL!
Make them sit up and take notice
have your picture taken with Jesus.

EXPERIMENTAL KISSING via THE WEB
This teenage boy either needs to get some
counseling from his priest, OR, this is a result of
counseling from his priest.

OH MY
Is this proof President Bush is drinking again?

BAD SANTA
Even the Claus family has a secret in
the family... St. Nick's evil twin!

MAGAZINE COVERS from THE FUTURE
This whole thing is one selfcontained flash
presentation, so wait until you see "SEE COVERS
FROM THE FUTURE" at the top of the screen, then
click it. It's a series of great hoots!

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP is DINKY IN YOUR CUP
or Four Out Of Five Dentists Recommend Dinky,
or Strong Enough For A Man, Made For A Dinky.
(personally, I was honored they made so many).

FORGOTTEN MEDICAL CURES
If they worked so well, how come they
were forgotten? More like this.

TOP 5's MOST POPULAR THANKSGIVING MOVIES
"When Harry Met Salmonella"
"The Sixth Serving" (they're all here)

THESE CHURCHES ARE SO BIG...
...there's a seat for every hungry child in the
city they were built! Click the photo for the next
multimillion dollar worship center.

WOULD YOU RATHER
Be Eaten Alive? or Buried Alive?
And other horrible imponderables.

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT JANUARY 20, 2009?
I know only 64% of you will appreciate
this link... NO EMAILS PLEASE! (All his polling)

Maybe Starbucks or Adidas would like to
smather their corporate logos on YOUR fine ass
pirations of entrepreneurship.

TWO GAGS IN ONE!
A crazy pointnclick interface along with
consumer product satire. Woo hoo!

WEREN'T ANTIGRAVITY SIGNS originally on the JETSONS?

TV COMMERCIAL DATABASE
Yep, they've got most all of them, on file.

BACK IN THE OLDEN DAYS, 70's style and groove
Pictures of everything unique to the 70's.
Rad, and quite often outofsight!

"Hello? Yes, I'm wondering if you can help me.
I'm interested in items made of Bamboo...
...Well, anything, really. Do you have
many items made fully or partially of bamboo?"

"BARCODE JESUS" FUN FLIP

THE SH*TTY TIPPER DATABASE, a tool of BitterWaitress.com
Search for your fave celeb, they most likely
stiffed the waitstaff at some point.
(Don't miss the GOSSIP tab, it's a hoot!)

PEOPLE, and the STORIES THEY TELL
Ever since the internet started puking trillions
of words a day all over itself, stories that
are interesting and plausible BUT FALSE have
dashed around the world. Remember any of these goodies?

LIBRARIAN COMEDY
Missspeled wurds with humouros asides.

NOW THAT BRITNEY is a mom...

PRESIDENT BUSH seeks DIVINE INTERVENTION
with HURRICANES
(gets a huge surprise)

SORRY, GOTTA GO GRANDMA's FALLEN AGAIN
Fabulously polite ways to get people OFF the phone.
Voice Tricks sudden background sounds
(oops, gotta go, my keyboard is ac tin g we ird)

TIME TO PREPARE FOR APRIL FOOL'S DAY
I keep about a dozen spiral notebooks I call
my Prank Journal ideas, diagrams, etc.
But I picked up a few pointers from this giant list.

FLIP BIRDS with PINACHE and a SENSE OF WIT
It's been my experience that girls
shoot birds far more effectively than boys do.

DO YOU LIKE POLITICAL SATIRE as brutal as it is funny?

I DON'T GET OUT OF BED until I know my Biorhythms
Sure, I believe! That's why I bet football
based on the quarterback's reading on game day.

EVEN I KNOW THIS IS NOT FAIR!

OSAMA BE NUKING US, an update

MOM & POP FIGHT BACK AGAINST WALMART
in this hilarious toon. Who wins, and who
cleans up on aisle 6?

ENVIRONMENTAL BLISS
Contemplate your mood, then choose an audio
environment... purring, typewriters, crickets,
clocks, whatever takes you back to happier,
gentler time.

WHO WRITE the SIGNS THAT MAKE the
WHOLE WORLD SCOFF?

Public Service signs (sometimes) just beg
to be mocked, so we do.

POSTIT NOTE THEATRE
The illusion of motion created by what is
actually rapidly projected still images
is cool.

URINALS that NEED WATERING

AAAAaaaaahhhhhoooommmmmmmmmmmeow
The ancient experience of soul illumination
is now enhanced with the mystical powers of
cats. YogaKitty is sweeping the southwest
neighborhoods of lower Hollywood.

OH YES, IT SHALL COME TRUE

ARE YOU A FEDUP CHRISTIAN? Pack your bags!
Want to escape the sleaze of modern society?
Do you call the gays "sodomites"?
Do you want Christianity to be the Law of the Land?
Are you fervently against Abortion and Evolution?
Then the Christian Exodus is for you!

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD as we know it
(warning: contains bad language that people would
likely use should the world actually be ending
before their very eyes.)

LIKE TO BITCH ABOUT THINGS?
Who doesn't! Here's some terrific everyday
items that suck in some way, and must be
complained about.

HUMANS LOVE TO GOSSIP
Here, CocaCola is the target.

RUBBER JOHNNY
R.J. is a mutant little boy (most likely an alien
hybrid) who is kept in a dark basement with only a
terrified little dog as company. A brave filmmaker
documents this horrific scenerio for fun.

MR. PRESIDENT, you're CREEPING US OUT more and more
Why does he keep freakin' DO these things?

MAY YOU BE WHIPPED WITH A THOUSAND SCORPIONS,
THOU WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING!

HIGH QUALITY THOUGHT SCREEN HELMET that WORKS!
Full plans, examples, explanation of keeping
the mind control attacks of aliens at bay.
But wait... little children seem to have much
greater personal experiences with aliens
than
would be possible from just TV...

STEPPING ON KORAN Bad! Bad!
WALKING ON THE GOSPEL Good! Good!

THE MUSCLEBOUND MAN
This one guy has some flexibility, which
you *ladies* can control from your keyboard!

DREAMS MAKE PROMISES THEY CAN'T KEEP
They can swindle us while we sleep,
and the morning finds us wondering why.
It seems, when we're young in dreams we trust.
Maybe growing up is just
kissing certain dreams goodbye.

SCARY DISNEY SECRETS
Ever wonder why nothing bad ever happens at Disney
World? It's because Disney doesn't report crimes
on its property! Also, see the dirty pix hidden in
Disney movies.

ENORMOUS THINGS in the USA
And I'm not talking about fat asses.

BLASPHEMY IS THE NEW IRONY?
Landover Baptist Church Dot Org has been
ripping religious piousness a new one for
over 8 years. If you insist you were born
right the first time, Landover is the
community of nonbelievers for you.
All things AmeriChrist

IF WOMEN RULED THE WORLD,
everyday items would look a lot different.
(See also other amusing internet pastimes.)

MAYBE YOU LIKE GRAFFITI?
Because it's all over the world

GOD CREATES EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
Even this twoheaded baby girl.

MASTERPIECES with a TYPEWRITER
Savant makes incredible art beauties with a SmithCorona.

KITTEN CUTENESS CONTEST You're the judge!
How anyone can determine which little kitten
is cuter than another based on a photo, I'll
never know... but you'll get your fill of cats,
and we KNOW that's what the people crave.

GUM BLONDES
It's truly marvelous art, but he says it's
made entirely of chewed bubble gum. Huh?
And how come they're all Britney?

BADLY DRAWN CATS
But they ARE cats, nevertheless.
100's of them!

THIS CHEST FOR RENT
"Mom, Dad, I sell space on my body for cash."
(hey, don't knock it, he's already made $220!)

VICIOUS RANT against THE GOVERNATOR
Alex Jones (he's sorta famous) exposes
Schwarzenegger's embarrassing deep secrets, and so
forth and so on. "AMERICA IS IN DANGER!"
(Think of this as a video PodCast ;)

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU...
microwave ovens can be an enormous amount
of fun, right up until the moment they kill you.

SATANISTS RULE!
You've most likely made this gesture yourself!

PROFANITY and FOOTBALL DON'T MIX
Don't even THINK of trying to get any of
these words printed on your custom NFL Jersey
no matter how much you pay! (warning: bad wordy)

CHOCOLATE DIETIES
All over the world people love their God,
and people love their chocolate. Combine
the two for a truly transcendent experience.

TIME TRAVELING UFO WATCHED THE POPE'S FUNERAL
In the future, Live Breaking History is actually that

HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE TOYS FOR CHILDREN

DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE MIRRORS
These boys configured a bunch of tiny mirrors
to magnify the sun into a scorching death ray!
Check the galleries for fun melting demonstrations!

EVIL PICTOGRAMS
The little guy labeling the Men's room
has a bunch of sinister doppelgangers.
(Warning: some language)

JESUS IS WITH US ALWAYS
Whether we want Him to be or not.

GET YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH JESUS

WHAT ETHNIC BACKGROUND WAS JESUS?
Scholars are still viciously debating it.

WHERE IN THE WORLD is JESUS KING OF KINGS?
Just keep clicking, you'll get hints from the Holy Spirit
There, with the beard... is THAT the risen Lord?

So maybe add some music to BARCODE JESUS FUN FLIPS!

Often handy... TORTURE DEVICES and how to use them
If you can smelt iron and bang it like a
blacksmith into medieval shapes, you can keep
those rotten kids off your lawn forever.

CAPT. KIRK LOVED THE GREEN LADIES

GRAFFITI MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND
That's what I think, anyway. If I couldn't express
myself in spray paint, I wouldn't have so many
misdemeanor charges pending.

YOU GOTTA LISTEN BACKWARDS
ReverseSpeech is a technique which reveals the TRUE
meaning of what people say, buried in their forward
public statements. Pop Music, Politicians, Children,
Speeches, TV shows It's serious as a heart attack.
Dozens of example categories on this page.

THIS WILL GIVE YOU A CHILL...
It's not uncommon for amateur photographs to develop
with a surprise image of Jesus or Mary in them, it
happens all the time. What's scary is that these
pictures taken many years apart in many different
countries are all showing the same face!
"Mary" looks like that girl on That 70's Show

WWW = 666
Anyone who uses the internet or has a web site
is DOOMED! it's the Mark of the Beast!

CHARIOTS OF THE GODS... on CANVAS?
Why did so many artists 100s and 1000s of years
ago explicitly paint UFO images into their portraits?
Here's about 100 puzzling examples...

NBC/CBS/ABC/FOX are corrupting THE CHILDREN!
The folks that hammer the FCC about trash on TV
also keep a weekly diary of TV FILM CLIPS of what
they call Graphic and Gratuitous Content on the
networks! This is more convenient than TiVO!
(warning: socalled graphic and gratuitous content from TV!)

DISCO ELEVATOR, making the rounds

AMERICAN ODDITIES, STEEEERANGE BUILDINGS

FAKE YOUR CALLER ID INFO, if you wanna

THE GLORY! THE PAGEANTRY!
BIBLE STORIES retold by LEGOS

This stunning pictorial reimagines Genesis, The
Crucifiction, the Empty Grave trick, and many
teachings of Jesus, as performed by the Lego Drama
Troupe!

YOU'd BETTER GET FAMILIAR with "REX 84"
"REX 84" is FEMA's secret plan to house us in
600+ MadeintheUSA concentration camps.
Don't believe me, believe 4,500 web sites.
The part of Hogan will be played by David Duchovny

THE ELVIS CUP is now on TOUR
The King sloshed tap water through his puffy lips;
his sweaty hand gripped the cup for that brief
moment, then abandoned it without a thought. 28
years later, fans worship the styrofoam souvenir
as a holy chalice.

HEY GALS, HERE's THE MODERN WAY TO FIND A MAN!

THE BLOG of a SUPERNATURAL KILLJOY
The Amazing Randi delights in viciously debunking
claims of the supernatural or paranormal. And he's
not really nice about it...
My Lucky Astrology Mood Watch is wrong?

JESUS IS WITH US ALWAYS...
whether we want Him to be or not!
A Linky & Dinky FrEaKy FoRwArD

YOUR FACE ON METH
That is, if you happened to look like
these people prior to using meth.
(you have to answer the stupid little
survey before they'll show you the cool pix.)

GOTTA HAND IT TO Web Photogs
Awards given for best use of fingers, most
creative palm art and best story incorporating
knuckles as supporting actor.
I'd applaud, but it would ruin my entry

THAT PUDDLE AIN'T TEARS for GRANDMA!
An embalmed body in a mausoleum crypt leaks 10
gallons during the first few months, often
dripping out of the caskets, down the walls and
onto the sidewalk. Great pix!

EVIL SYMBOLS are ENSNARING OUR CHILDREN!

HE CALLS IT "FOLDING AIR"

MAGIK SPELLS MAKE EVERYTHING EASY!
Find love, undo a curse put on you, lose weight,
pass a test at school, make Jessica Alba knock on
your door with a need to snuggle, there's a spell for
every desire that vexes you. Not at all like Haiku

MICHAEL JACKSON SOUND BOARD of LIES

WOMEN ALWAYS say "MEN ARE BABIES"
(maybe they're right!)

RUBBER BOY IS FUN TO WATCH!
We know this to be a physical talent, but in
the 1600s he would have been burned at the stake
for immoral movements. Imagine if his girlfriend
were equally talented!

ART BELL RETELLS "SOUNDS OF HELL" STORY
With a playing of those selfsame sounds, from
a microphone sent down a 15 mile deep hole. It's
claimed that sinners turn to Jesus upon hearing
this, and household pets cower in fear.

LOVE LETTERS of the BITCHY and DEMENTED

DO YOU GET ENOUGH FLOWER IN YOUR DIET?
Maybe all you needed was a recipe! Lots of
major health benefits are claimed using
certain flower petals not the least of
which would be sweetscented burps.

THE TOP 100 TOYS of a GENERATION
There's nothing new under the sun.

NAME THAT FACE

CAN'T NAME THESE FACES

TAXIDERMISTs ARE JUST LIKE YOU and ME
...on the outside. On the INSIDE they are
totally f'd up! Here's what they do in their
spare time in the back room with LEFTOVER PARTS...
(The "next" button is at the bottom, if you dare.)

EMAIL ROULETTE
Participants are hooked up with complete strangers
via their emails being randomly routed. It's how
Karma happens.

TONIGHT'S MUSICAL PROGRAM...
12 SANTAS PERFORM "JINGLE BELLS" WITH FARTS
(WARNING: AUDIO)
I'm guessing this talented musical group formed
after the internet was invented.
... and in a related story, THE FARTING CHRISTMAS TREE

WHAT'S YOUR JAPANESE NAME?
I swear to God, this translator told us:
"Your Japanese names are Rinki and Denki".
Raugh out Roud !

The TRUE MEANINGs OF CHRISTMAS
UnScramble the letters of the word "CHRISTMAS" to
reveal: "CRAMS SHIT". You can find a
bunch of meaningful coincidences...
it goes on and on, these meaningful mispellings:
"Paris Hilton" = "Hi! (loins part)"

SHEET MUSIC FROM HELL!
Give this to your church pianists, tell her it's
your solo for this Sunday.

ABU GHRAIB LETTUCE CRISPER HORRORS
Vegetable cruelty may just be the worst
injustice of all.

KNOW ANY GOOD VERBS?
Subservient Stickman will act out your
verb command run, jump, blink, sit
let your imagination be your guide...

Don't buy these 83 AWFUL BOOKS FOR CHILDREN!
"Daddy drinks because I cry"
"My first trip to Thailand"
"One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mob Hit"
(warning: bad for kids in many ways)

EXPERIMENTAL KISSING via THE WEB
This teenage boy either needs to get some
counseling from his priest, OR, this is a result of
counseling from his priest.

THEY MADE BELLY BUTTONS HOT, why not ARMPITS?
An artist examines how beautiful armpits can be.
Try a set without the fur

The RED STATE / BLUE STATE CIVIL WAR of WORDS (w/pix!)
That "sorry everybody" thing has become a HUGE
deal! Pick a number then scroll down. You'll
never see all the photo expressions of regret.

EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL, IN IT'S OWN WAY
Even mutants.

AIRTOONS KEEPS FLYING
Wicked funny gags in the form of Airline Safety
Instruction Cartoons. (Grown up words and stuff!)

BLOWIN' STUFF UP! A Video Collection

PINUP TOONS, the art style that won World War II

OSAMA BIN CENSORED
It's a shocker: "States that vote for Bush will be
attacked" That's why they clipped 12 minutes
from his videotaped announcement, Osama truly
tried to throw this election. I'm not making this up:

HUMPTY DUMPTY, the King James Version
And lo, There was in the same country a wall both
great and strong. 2. And the Egg sitteth on this wall

DOES PRESIDENT BUSH LOOK LIKE JESUS?
... or does Jesus look like President Bush!?

WASTED? BE WARY!
Gone are the days in which we can get
falling down drunk and pass out without
fear of being shamed.

PUMPKIN STENCILS. Halloween out of the box

WHERE DO DRUGGIES HIDE DRUGS?
In amazingly creative ways. Click on the
HTML versions for quicker seeits.

WHAT CAN YOU MAKE OUT OF SKIN?
Handbags and purses, sure. Lampshades, of course.
What else you got? Gloves? Good. What else?

WASTED? BE WARY!
Gone are the days in which we can get
falling down drunk and pass out without
fear of being shamed.

IS PRESIDENT BUSH WEARING AN EARPIECE?
His pauses, his dead stares, his sudden bursts
of coherent sentences is he listening and then
being told what to say through an earpiece by a backstage expert?
Salon.com investigates the mounting evidence.
Tech Review discusses the equipment, many sources
are talking about it, www.IsBushWired.com tracks the continuing controversy but is overloaded with traffic.

JIBJAB DOES IT AGAIN!
Remember "THIS LAND IS OUR LAND" from a couple of
months ago? They're back with a brand new
ditty called... "IT'S GOOD TO BE IN D.C." (has audio)
Brilliant Bipartisan Bashing

FAKE NEWS is SO HOT RIGHT NOW!
Satire is the new Pink, and our #1 Fave
waypoint is The Daily Probe. It's dripping
in the stuff. Cheney: We're Your Only Hope
for Surviving a Meteor Impact

THE GOD F.A.Q. (frequently asked questions about God)

DON'T EAT FOR BUSH, make the President holier

THE ALL TIME GREAT JERRY FALWELL QUOTATIONS

But... WHAT CAN BIG BROTHER DO WITH THOSE STATS?
I think it might go a little something like
this... (contains audio)

MR. PRESIDENT! WHAT, pray tell, ARE YOU DOING?

CHRISTIAN HANKY CODE
Don't hide your bush under a barrel
(or something like that.)

SLICING and DICING A GRAY
An alien Gray, that is.

IN THE END, IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT TOENAILS

JESUS CHRIST ACTION FIGURE
Because there are many ways to honor Somebody

THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE US AWAY
Secret codes on the back of road signs guide
the United Nations Army to US Detention Centers.

STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Half man, half bat, all superhero!

HTML GUITAR
Can you play Stairway to Heaven on this thing?

REMEMBER THOSE TEENS who SWANG from MEAT HOOKS? The photos are in.

TIME TRAVEL MAN
John Titor was (is?) from the year 2036 who came back
to visit the year 2000 lots and lots of people
believe him, mostly because his predictions about the
future are coming true... read JOHN'S PREDICTIONS and shiver.

FIRST LADY LAURA BUSH'S GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING
SOCALLED STEM CELL RESEARCH AND OTHER KINDS
OF PSEUDOSCIENTIFIC FLAPDOODLE

ANT MEN aGOGO

COMPARE a CASSETTE TAPE to an iPOD
Upon what criteria would an insane person
judge that?

CRAZY McDONALD'S ADS (so much for Truth in Advertising!)
(warning: naughty words)

CREATE YOUR OWN BOGUS TERROR ALERT
Very authentic! Not only to fool your friends, but
the undecided voters in battleground states, too...

REVERSING JOHN KERRY and the Dems
ReverseSpeech is a technique which reveals the TRUE
meaning of what people say, buried in their forward
public statements. It's serious as a heart attack.

SUBSERVIENT PRESIDENT
Type in a command and the President is supposed
to obey but it seems the only thing he
understands is "Michael Moore".

A COMPLETE ASTROLOGICAL WORKUP OF
PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH

The stars are in his eyes, the moon's in his smile.

 

 

OLDER RANTS