Now, THEREFORE, WE, LINKY & DINKY, pursuant to the pardon power conferred upon us by Paragraph II, Section 69, of the Articles of Internet Law, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto __________________________ for all offenses against the Internet and/or World Wide Web, including, but not limited to, bidding up your own item on eBay, spamming, failing to put "http://www." before URLs, forwarding chain letters, forwarding dumb jokes, responding to a post with "Me Too!", replying-to-all instead of replying to the sender, downloading or trafficking in pornography, sharing passwords with others, putting your friend's email address in a "tell a friend" form on a stranger's web site, sending one or more virtual greeting cards, believing stupid email hoaxes, misrepresenting your appearance and/or sexual prowess in a chat room, scrolling or attempting to use sounds in a chat room, approaching a chat person for cyber sex then getting scared and deleting your screen name, and for always lying about what you are wearing. For these crimes, which he or she has committed or may have committed or taken part in during the period from January 01, 1904 through Today.

Signed and executed this day,

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