"I
will not allow these people
to usurp my domination over commercial transactions on
the internet!" --Bill Gates
The fiesty Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, speaking today at a
meeting of an anti-spam group. |
Bill Gates offers $25,000 to the families
of Suicide Spammers
SAN FRANCISCO, CA
Staff writers: Cristina L. Borenstein, Lana Taamar
Both sides of the Spam Debate erupted with
outrage today when Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, keynote speaker
of the annual meeting of Citizens Against Spam, announced he is offering
to pay $25,000 to the families of each "Spammer" who
commits suicide. Specific guidelines or instructions for the
suicides were not detailed.
"I
will personally reward $25,000 dollars to the families of each
and every Spammer who kills himself," Gates announced to
a shocked crowd. "Spam is scum, and it's ruining everything
I've worked for. I will not allow these people to usurp my domination
over commercial transactions on the internet."
"SPAM" is the euphemism for the
bane of the World Wide Web: junk email sent by the billions every
day to unsuspecting (and unhappy) computer users. Typically commercial
in nature, "spam" messages are often pornographic,
misleading, or blatantly fraudulent attempts to separate the
recipient from his money.
Members of the spam community were quick to
speak up: "$25,000 is a joke!" Russel Dontdeleteme
laughed. "I can make $25,000 in a few days if I spew my
entire list a few times! But it's true, we are scum."
"Everytime I get a new upskirt picture
of Anna Kornikova, or JLO has a booby slip, I make $25,000, sometimes
more!" explained Rod Lonelystroke. "People want to
see these pictures, how else am I going to let them know when
a new one is available? But he hit the nail on the head, we are
scum."
Smaller operators in the spam business had
plenty to say as well: "I went to a Photoshop class for
five entire evenings, and I now earn a living for myself putting
the heads of female celebrities onto the bodies of unknown porn
actresses. He (Bill Gates) can't expect me to give up my entire
career just so my mom can go on a few cruises. But there's no
question, we are scum."
"It's a start," offered Mike Wagner,
operator of an ISP Blacklisting system. "If Gates spends
$100 million paying Spammers to kill themselves, it's money well
spent... what's that he called them? 'Scum'? Ha! I like that,
it's fitting."
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